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Here's what they had to say: Why don't you date fat women?
Online dating is rough enough without some guy responding to a message by saying "hit the gym and then we'll talk" (totally true, totally happened to me.) These answers reinforced what I already knew to be true: We have to change the way we treat fat women.
Nowhere on my profile do I beat myself up about being fat, or apologize in advance to the people that are going to meet me.
You are a beautiful, exciting, interesting person and anyone would be honoured to date you.
You don’t need to be the Boss, though, just be your own boss. For the first year and a half-ish that I was on Ok Cupid, I had loads of dates, but 99% of the time, I didn’t fancy the people I was meeting. Because I was letting my fat fears rule my choices, and going, primarily, for the ‘sort of people’ I thought would want to date me.
I wasn’t even thinking about what I wanted, beyond ‘are they, like, at least 40% attractive? My own internalised fatphobia and anxieties about how other people perceive my body (often rightly-held, though always useful to unpack) were clouding my judgement to the extent to which I was not allowing myself to be an active agent in my own love life.
Never apologize for taking up someone’s time, never be grateful that they’re on a date with you, never buy into the myth that they have the upper hand because you’re fat and you should be happy they turned up.In our culture, people are taught, unfortunately, that being fat is bad. A fat person is just as worthy of love, respect, and kindness as any other person.I've always wanted to know what goes on inside the heads of men who refuse to date a woman just because she is fat.Then one day I just thought ‘fuck it’ and started messaging the people I wanted to date.I took control of my dating fate, and took steps towards having the experiences I actually wanted. I can’t fully articulate when I was the one doing the digging around for interesting people, proposing dates and meeting babes.